A Journal, A Giraffe, and some Airpods
What objects tell the story of your life?
(A Journal, A Giraffe, and some Airpods) By Ana Artz
I consider 3 main objects to be the tellers of the story of my life. Number one being my journal. When I was about 10 years old, in 2018, my brother gifted me a pretty journal for Christmas. It was blue and glossy, forming a marble-like pattern. However, I didn’t even consider writing in it until 2 years later. Opting to start a dream journal on December 31st, 2020. At first, it mainly stayed documenting dreams, and slowly but surely, it transformed into what it is today. A journal documenting large and small life achievements, an outlet to draw whenever I feel pent up, and of course, a fun place to write little stories. This journal documents my evolution, showing how I not only evolved physically while growing up, but mentally as well.
The second object is a tiny, stuffed pink giraffe named “Pinkie”. Her name is based off of the hit tv show “My little pony” which I watched religiously growing up. Pinkie’s tag is worn so much that it seems to be a white piece of cloth stuck to her butt, her fur warped from hours of play. Currently, a large majority of the stuffed animals I took part of owning in the past have either been donated or stored for seasonal decorations at my house. But Pinkie always stays out; she’s a large sign of everlasting comfort in my life. Something to hold when I’m stressed from the day’s work. Both objects display my joy as a child, but this third and final object is more up-to-date with my life today.
Object number three is a more modern-day object: my new AirPods. Sure, I’ve only had them for a month by now, but I only got them replaced after 5 years because I wanted to squeeze every last drop of use out of the old version of the product. My new AirPods represent my love for music. Currently (Yes!! Exactly as I am writing my essay), I have this one song on loop, Zjerm by Shkodra Elektronike (an Albanian band), which I’ve been blasting for the past week on repeat. I’m a big fan of the Eurovision Song Contest, and it’s all about broadcasting hits from each participating country which this song was featured in. Anyways, back to my AirPods, I’ve always loved having the ability to just put them on and discreetly play something that has been boggling/circulating in my mind non-stop. I guess that they mainly represent my love for music, as well as my love for convenience. Overall, I’d like to say that these three objects show how attached to memories I am. I love reflecting upon on the past and smiling about the beautiful memories as well as the many more to come.
Requested feedback: What should I add? What specific sentences should I chop?
Hi Ana! This is a great personal essay! I think as for feedback, I think you should add a more "attention grabbing" hook--something that would stand out! For things to add throughout the essay: you should add more of the story of each object. For example, you could expand on your journal by saying things like where you kept it the past 2 years before you started writing or when you journal everyday. For the giraffe, bring more life while describing the giraffe, where did you take it when you were young/even in modern day? For your AirPods, I know you've had your old ones so you can talk about why you bought new ones. Overall, this was really good, and I can see your personality shining throughout the essay!
ReplyDeleteHi Ana, I really enjoyed reading about your love of dream journaling, my little pony, and music. Your way of conveying casualty into your essay is really well done, I feel as though I'm having a face-to-face conversation with you rather than reading about you. Something you could add would be a little more explanation to how these objects show your attachment to memories. Although you do have a sliver of that mentioned at the end of each paragraph, maybe something at the very end of the essay pulling all three together would do some good (so the reader doesn't have to look back to get the full picture.) Overall, I don't have much to critique other than that, well done!
ReplyDeleteHey Ana! I really enjoyed reading this personal essay. It felt personable, intimate, and showed your kind-hearted character. I especially liked the vivid descriptions of your journal and Pinkie. I think more examples to kind of "prove" why Pinkie is so special to you could be a valuable thing to add. Maybe something about how you got her, or what makes her different from other stuffed animals? I would also say that in the last paragraph, "Anyways, back to my AirPods," kind of makes it sounds like the music and airpods are disconnected and the song was just a side note. Which in the next sentence you articulate nicely that they are connected. But when I read it I was thinking maybe that brief transition could be a bit confusing? Maybe you could try connecting the love for music and airpods more intentionally to show that they work together in representing you? It also is good right now though, these were just my thoughts when reading. Great work! I'm excited to see how you develop this if you choose to continue working on it (which I hope you do because I like it).
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