Have you ever felt embarrassed by the things that you used to like? by Ana Artz


Embarrassing Parts of my Past

By Ana Artz

 In the past, I have felt embarrassed by the things that I used to like. Generally, though, the stuff I felt embarrassed by is things that I liked during COVID-19. During this era of my life (2019-2021), I was exploring myself and who I thought that I wanted to be, and sometimes during that journey, I made some weird/goofy choices that I often find quite embarrassing.

For example, I really used to be a big TikTok person in 2020. I had just gotten my first phone back then, so I was excited to create. I ended up making my own character universe! Which I honestly still think is very, very, cool! All I can remember currently is the main character, whom I often called “Chad”. The embarrassing part, though, is when I opted to dress up as the characters to produce TikToks. Luckily, I had a private account, but if it were public… I just know that I would’ve been heavily clowned by my friends if they were to stumble across the account today.

Chad was the first of these characters that I had created. The costume for him was a beanie (so that I could tuck my hair into it) and a leather jacket (which had a rainbow unicorn design on the back, so I never really turned around in videos). I am proud of my creativity and what sparked it, but the videos I made were extremely cringey. Chad would always do a little dance and then try to swoop in to save one of the ladies from falling too hard in love with him. I ended up deleting the account in about 2023-2024, and looking back, I should have saved more than 2 videos. As far as I can remember, there were about 20-30 videos created. And even though I’m still a little embarrassed by it, I love to look back and laugh at myself. 

Another thing from my Covid days, I felt embarrassed about the merch I made for my friends. However it’s not physical merch as one might think, but instead I would take a picture of an article of clothing from google drawings and add my friends faces on top of it (picture at bottom of essay). Now, I find what I did to be slightly humorous but mostly weird and creepy. Reflecting back I think that I knew how weird it was and that some of my friends were uncomfortable by it, but I didn’t really care since it ultimately brought me joy. Which I now know is the wrong mindset.

Honestly, those are the only things that I feel majorly embarrassed about. Everything else has been relatively small, like being embarrassed for a day that I still like finger painting, or embarrassed that I really wanted a guinea pig for a few years. I ultimately realize that I shouldn’t be embarrassed for what I used to like, as it’s been a grand part of me and helped to define who I am. For me, even the Chad videos or the march situation aren’t too bad. Just little splotches that I’m not the happiest about.


Feedback:

1. How do I incorporate the merch paragraph more? I feel like its lacking substance right now.

2. Does the essay make sense?

3.What transitions should I add?

4. Anything else I need to do?

(Below is a picture of the merch featured in the second to last paragraph)

Comments

  1. Akeel DixonFebruary 2, 2026 at 7:22 PM

    Hello, Ana I found your essay really interesting! I can attempt to help you with your feedback requests in this comment. I think that if you want to expand on the merch paragraph I would remove a bit of the details related to the character "Chad" (if you are over the word limit) and then that would give you more space to go in depth on the merch section. Or you can add on a new transition that might help you tie in the merch section and relate it too the characters you created. However, I do think the essay makes sense is pretty much fine the way it is, I can see your honesty of what you did with your phone during Covid and how that effected the way you would feel if sharing it to your friends and how your friends felt when you would make merch of them. Overall it was a great essay!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Alberto R.February 3, 2026 at 8:00 PM

    Hey Ana, this is a really nice essay and I really did enjoy reading this. I really like the subtle goofy tone you put into it. I also really like how you mention the different things you are embarrassed about but you ultimately are able to come to terms with yourself and live with it. I think this is very mature of you and this really does show growth. The nuance of finding these things embarrassing but still being able to accept these things as yourself is a very nice addition to the essay. Overall this essay is a nice essay and very enjoyable witha good development of maturity within the esssay.

    ReplyDelete

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